The Blogger Writes Back!

Quick Announcement:
I am back for the rest of the summer and will soon post my newest post: Daft in a Raft.
(P.S. Do not make fun of me because of this story)
Stay tuned!

Daft in a Raft

My grandparents (from the kumquat story) just got a new raft. So, while me and my cousin Kayla were at their house, we thought it'd be fun to use.

We didn't know how horribly, terribly wrong we were.

It started off nice. A little slow, I have to admit. But then me and my cousin decided to jump off and swim along.

I jumped off, then she next. The water was freezing cold! We immediately tried to get out. But there was one problem: No ladder, no rope, no anything. And for me: No upper body strength.

After about 5 minutes of hanging off the side of the raft, my cousin got up. I was stuck on the side, still unable to pull my self up.

My grandma and cousin pulled to no avail. The rope on the side (there was one rope hanging across) did no help at all except keep me from going off the edge.

It took me over a half hour until I could get back up.

Moral of the story: I will never go in a raft again.

Summer

I haven't posted in a while, and that is because I am working on something big.

Here's a silhouette:
DAILY FOOBINI

(Letters aren't very good for silhouettes)

I will be leaving for most of the summer (I'll be back in 5 weeks), and I may not have much computer access.

When I do, though, I'll post whatever I have.

Stay tuned!

Did You Know Gullible Is Written On Your Kumquat?

My grandma is really gullible.

Yesterday, I was on the phone with her. My grandpa was sick, and she was food shopping. So I made a suggestion.

"Get him a kumquat. There isn't a man in the world who doesn't enjoy getting a nice, big kumquat. Getting a man a kumquat makes his life complete."

I expected her to start laughing, but she then did something even funnier.

She said (seriously) that she was about to start looking for a kumquat.

My Grandfather's gonna be pretty confused.

Quick Bullitin

I am not posting daily anymore.

False Advertising 2

Yesterday, there was a party I went to. It was called the 8th grade soiree. It's theme: Mardi Gras.

It had the beads, the colors, but there was one rule (just like in False Advertising 1 with the cell phones) they enforce you couldn't have: Masks.

Masks are a pretty main thing on Mardi Gras, so this caused a lot of controversy. People wanted masks, and they kept on asking why, but the school (for a reason I can only guess) said you can't have them.

So when I walked into the room, I was surprised to see, hanging in silver from the balloons, masks.

But that wasn't all.

Right as you walked in, enormous on the left wall, was the most prominent decoration.

I leave it to you to guess what it was.

COMMENT!

Please comment! Click on the title, wait, and scroll down. Please!

Also, you may have seen my new page, Poll Results. If you need to know who wins, see it there.

This has been announcement Fridays. Now back to the blog.

Cinco De Mayo Joke

My shop teacher told me this one:

In Mexico, there was a time when people really loved mayonnaise. They ate so much, they ran out of it!

They soon ordered some more to come in by ship. The people were elated. But some had a bad feeling. The ship was titled the Titanic.

As we all know, the Titanic sank. The Mexicans were so sad they created a holiday to mourn the loss.

It's name: Sink-o de Mayo.

(Play on Cinco de Mayo, it's Sink of the Mayonnaise.)

A Praise To All The Sites I Deem Cool

I can't think of a post today, and I don't want to be cheap (again) and do a picture of a post. So, I thought I'd tell all my readers some good sites to go to.

Playcrafter: An easy game making site. It allows people to make and play games that YOU can make. The best creator: Edgewing. It's easy! Just sign up!

Facebook: Another great site. Meet up with old friends.

Flipnote Hatena: A website to show flipnotes made on the DSi. I am on there, but I won't give away my Username. Some flipnotes are awesome. Best creators: Boss and Gizmo (My friend, but he really is the #2 American creator!)

The 39 clues: A site based off of an awesome book series (read them) where you can do missions, find which section you are, enter contests, and play games!

XKCD: A cool, funny online comic (not suitable for minors)

Blogger: You are here. Create your own blog!

Demitri martin/comedy central: A funny comedian who had some videos online. (Some not suitable for minors.

Andrewdutcher.com : My friend's site. Just posting it here.

Visit now! Thanks for reading!

Grammars Police! (A.K.A. Pwned 2)

Someone in our family is the grammar police. He corrects us every time we use bad grammar.

One thing he taught us is, contrary to popular belief, you say I feel GOOD, not I feel well. Well has to do with an active thing. So the other day, I tricked him.

We were eating dinner when I said, "I feel well today."

He said his usual thing. "NO! You feel GOOD!"

But I had my retort ready to go.

"No, I mean my hands aren't numb today. I can actually feel! It's like the sense is much more acute then it was before..."

Bad Pun Contest! Possible Money Prize!

I am now holding contests. I hope this doesn't end up like riddle corner.

Anyway, here's the contest:

Whoever can give me the worst pun I've never heard of by the 16th gets they're name on the blog AND if I know you, you also get a 25 cent prize!

Rules:
I must have your name
You can only enter 3 times

Now... Let the contest BEGIN!

(This contest, unlike riddle corner, needs to be a real, qualified answer to win. I will not count puns I have heard, but after 3 puns I haven't, I will not look at any more of your answers.)

FTM: Pretzel's Vacation P6: Life In a Comic Strip

Ah, A new month. I like to start of a month with good ol' Foobini. The new idea I used in this one was I: a. Added a space in the bottom for speech bubbles and b. Made the trash can go across all the panels. Aside from that, this is a joke on comic strips. One minute they're in the trash, the next they're out, and the next (next strip) they're home talking about how peanuts have feeling. It's crazy. Anyway, as I said, in over a week I will post another 3 days of Foobini with Pretzel's Vacation P7: I'm Home! And I brought you a peanut! and then FTM: Panel line parts 1 and 2. Enjoy the strip!

FTM: Pretzel's Vacation P5: Sorrio Aboutio the Britishio Sterio Typeio

#5 in the series out of 7. After the 7th strip I have 2 more ready, but 7 and the Panel line series P1&2 will be a little later. Sorry for the stereotype, but that's who Andrew Peanut is. Something new will be coming up in the next strip, so be ready.

Announcements 3

Riddle corner is over! Look at my last Riddle corner post for the results.

In other news, I have added a new feature. Below posts you can choose if they are funny, cool, or interesting.

Also: Please comment! Leave a name if I know you. F0llow the blog. And do the polls. Aside from that, just, once again, Happy Bday Ilan!

That is all.

A Big Birthday Shoutout To The Best Bro Ever!

I know I am interrupting the three days of Foobini, but I have an important post to say. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST BROTHER IN THE WORLD!\
HAPPY B-DAY ILAN!
I LOVE YOU!

He will be away in D.C. today, but I just want everyone to know how great he is. He's awesome. And now he's 17.

Once again:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ILAN!!!

FTM: Pretzel's Vacation P4: Nightmare?

Meet Andrew, the Intellectual Peanut. A warning: for the next strip, if you don't like British stereotypes, do not read the next strip. This is not my funniest, but hey, I need to move the story along. It's another 3-Days of Foob, so get ready. Not much more to say about this. I've re-re-hired my editor (me) so there is nothing wrong in this strip. Oh well.

Thief!

Last Sunday, I was home alone. Just me and the bird. My bird's name is Squawko.

Squawko loves to steal food out of my bowl. Cheerios, Froot Loops, noodles, etc. This is one of her funniest moments.

I was at the table eating a big bowl of Cheerios. She was poking her head up above the table (she was on my knee), walking around, staring at my Cheerios.

I had already given her a couple that day, so I didn't want her to have more. But she really wanted the Cheerios.

When I least expected it, she leaped up on the table. Before I could stop her, she grabbed a Cheerio. But she's a smart bird. She didn't want me getting between her and that beloved Honey-Nut Cheerio of hers. So what did she do?

She ran.

All the way to the other side of the table.

With the Cheerio now in her foot, she was happily munching.

Point: Squawko.

Pwned!

(This story has some material that may have a misconception. The punchline was a joke. No feelings were hurt in the process of this story. Also, I will be starting a new story subsection called Pwned! where I post when I have snappy, funny comebacks. This is the first edition of this section. Enjoy.)

I was talking with a teacher. Last week, he promised to look at my blog. He forgot. He promised to look Thursday night. He didn't. Finally, on Friday, we made a deal.

"If I (teacher) don't look at your (me, Noah) blog by Monday, I will bring you a piece of chocolate from a great place with the best milk chocolate you'll ever taste."

Naturally, I wanted him to not look at my blog. I waited. And waited. Monday soon came around.

He didn't look. He also forgot the chocolate.

He said he'll bring the chocolate, but he didn't think he should promise to look anymore. He said it was making him a bad role model, not keeping promised.

"Don't worry. You're not a role model to me."

Riddle Corner Finale! (It's Funnier Then It Sounds. Read It!)

Well, the results are in. I have not gotten a single credible result and am just ending it now.
The answer was:

Label switches A, B, and C. Turn A and B on. Wait 5 minutes. Turn B off. Go upstairs and check. If it's A, the light will be on. If it's off, you can feel the light bulb. If it's B, the light bulb will still be warm. Otherwise, It's C.

However, this would not work so well because this is a green blog, so the light bulb is, of course, compact florescent. For those reddies (the opposite of green is red, so that's what I call people who aren't green) out there who don't know what that is, I referred to it in my Earth Day Sonnet as the swirly kind. It saves energy. However, it only becomes slightly warm, so that'd make it harder to tell.

Anyway, the closest response was:
when will u tell us im curios by anonymous

I know it's a question, not an answer, but it was the only response.

Congratulations anonymous!

I Can't Think of a Post, So...

This is a post.

(P.S. My friend told me if I can't think of a post, do this. I know it's cheesy, but with this P.S., it might possibly actually be a good, funny post. It's worth a shot.

You Know What I Hate? 2: Foobini's Epic Fail

You know what I hate? I hate when you have two good ideas, one leading to another, and there's no good way to transition them. Here's an example: (Look Above).

If you've been keeping track of Foobini, this is the strip I said I would not post. I lied. It has no punchline and only gets him to the trash can. (I meant to add a TO BE CONTINUED...)

When you need to move a storyline along, you need something that's not this. I just wish I had a good way to move it along. Any ideas? Comment.

Friday is Announcement day!

As you may have guessed from the title, now every Friday (alongside a regular post) I will have announcements. This weeks announcement(s):

• Fridays are now Announcement Fridays
  
• I like cheese
• I added a new Foobini Characters page. Check it out!
• Riddle Corner may be being canceled

For #3: If you look below the title, you will see a bar where you can switch between home and the Foobini Characters page. This page has all the info (told by the characters themselves) about all the main and main-ish characters. More may be added later.

For #4: No one had answered to Riddle Corner. If no one answers by next Friday, I will publish the answer and end Riddle Corner.

Look up for daily post!

Earth Day Sonnet

I am a poet. I am going to start also posting poetry. We are doing sonnets in English class, so I decided to write one for Earth Day. The rhythm has 2 wrong things, so bear with me. Here it goes:

The ozone layer is being destroyed
The ice caps melting at increasing rate
This is a problem that we can avoid
If we don't want to meet this deadly fate

If we don't stop this crisis soon enough
Then surely the world will begin to end
The earth shall die; it's really not so tough
To save our earth our ways we need to mend.

We change our light bulbs to the swirly kind
And we must switch to solar power too
We stop killing the forests that we find
To keep this world alive for me and you

So we must learn to change our ways to green
To keep our earth the nicest ever seen


Tell me in the comments if you like it!

The Good, the Bad, and the Clueless

Yesterday I went to the doctor's. I hate shots. I had to get one. Actually, I had to get three.

It didn't hurt too much this time. But that's not the whole story.

Today, I was in class, talking to my teacher about the shots (which I had also told friends.) I told her my arms were still sore, so they hurt a bit. My teacher made a joke, fake clapping me on the shoulder (where I got the shots,) saying we'd all go like that and say congratulations.

In walks a friend, who only hears the last part. He walks up to me and goes, "Congratulations," while clapping my shoulder.

For real.

All I can say about this incident: Ouch.

FTM: Pretzel's Vacation P3: Bagged

This is the next FTM installment. Next he will be in a trash can. I am telling you this because I feel my transition strip was bad so I will skip it. I now realize I left out pretzel's speech lines AND I misspelled cousin. It shouldn't be like that. I shall fire my editor. Oh, wait, I did that yesterday. I have no editor. That must be why today's strip is so bad. Noah, you're rehired. Noah, since today's strip was bad, you're refired. There. (Darn, lost my job AGAIN!)

FTM: Pretzel's Vacation P2: Lost Love

It's the 3 days of Foobini! Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow I will post Foobini strips. This is # 2 in the series. Once again, the thing on Pretzel's head is a hat. I now realize this is not the best series to do, seeing as computer pretzels are hard to draw. Oh well. I just realized Pretzel lost his hat in panel two. As creator of Pearls Before Swine comic strip Stephan Pastis said when he realized a bush was left uncolored, I shall fire my editor. Oh, wait. I AM my editor. Darn.

Foobini the Marshmallow: Pretzel's Vacation Part 1

I knew after starting with Foobini, I needed to add some more strips soon. This strip is part of a Pretzel's vacation series. I chose it because it:

1. Introduces a character, Andrew the intellectual peanut
2. It is an okay series
3. It will keep me busy for a while

With these strips, there is one transition strip I will leave out. The only bad thing about this is pretzel is hard to draw online. Look forward to more. Enjoy!

Murphy's Flaw: Anything That Can Go Right Will Go Way Beyond Right! (And then go wrong again.)

Yesterday, I went to the science fair. I was down. I thought, compared to all the other county projects, mine was crap. I really thought I had no chance at anything. But it was fun to be there.

We did many activities, and were interviewed about our projects.

Then came the judging. I didn't think I'd win anything. My division came by. The read the bronze medalists. I said after they didn't call my name, "That's it for me."

Then came silver. My name was there.

I was ecstatic!

But it wasn't over yet.

After they did all the rest (including best in fair), they said the 24/130+ going to state. They said 6 alternatives, and I wasn't one of them

It was all over. Or so I thought.

"...Someone somethingson, Andrew Dutcher, Noah Goodman..."

I am going to State.

WOOHOO!

I had stomach flu today.

Talk about ruining a good moment.

1 Week and Going Solid!

I have done a post every day since I started this blog and still have more ready. This is not my real today's post, this is just to say WOOHOO! (See above for real post)

Are you a procrastinator?

Don't worry. It's actually a good thing! Here's 10 phrases and reasons why:

1. Don't do today what you can put of until tomorrow.
2. Do it tomorrow, when you (possibly) have more time.
3. Do it tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes! (That way you don't have to do it at all).
4. If you do it now, you'll spend more needless time on it and have less time for fun than if you scrunch it all into the last minute.
5. It's not due tomorrow. You still have time.
6. If you are #1 at procrastinating, you may get a medal!
7. Doing work promptly and on time is so old-school.
8. You'll never have to keep working at a hard job.
9. They wouldn't call it Procrastinate if it wasn't good, right.
10. Give it another name. Call it waiting for a golden opportunity. It sound's much better.

So there you have it! Now go out there and procrasina- ah, I don't have to finish this until later.

Riddle corner (Q1, no answer)

I am doing a new thing called riddle corner! Every so often I will post a riddle. Click on the title of this post and answer in the comments. The next one will have the second question (Q2) and the answer to here (A1). Be the first to get it right and I'll mention your name (put your name in the comment, don't leave it anonymous) Here it is:

There are three light switches at the bottom of a staircase. At the top there is a door, and behind the door is a light bulb. The door lets out no light. Once you go up and open the door, you cannot go back down. How do you find out which light switch activates the bulb. (Only one does, and this IS NOT asking how to turn the light on. Turning on three lights doesn't tell you anything.)

Good luck!

P.S. Don't answer if you already know the answer.

False Advertising

I used to live in New York. At the school I went to, they had a stern rule. NO CELL PHONES OR ELECTRONICS. They spent the whole year enforcing this. One glimpse or ring and it's confiscated. It was in the announcements practically every morning.

Obviously, this story has to lead somewhere. I would not have a whole story saying that a school wanted no electronics. So as I said, this was a really big deal in the school.

It was close to the end of the year. So when I got the new yearbook, I was very surprised. Because right there smack on the front was a picture of a backpack. And you know what was in that backpack? That's right. An iPod and a cell phone. After a year of trying to take them away, it's on the cover of our memories of that year.

Hey, that IS what the year was all about, right?

Foobini the Marshmallow

I make a strip called Foobini the marshmallow. I am thinking about posting some good strips here. This strip is the first one. In the future, I will be scanning in the strips, so they will look better. The introductory strips are not as good as I would like them to be. I will discuss the characters here so I don't have to introduce them.

Foobini: The Main character and a marshmallow. He is critical of the strip

Pretzel: Foobini's best friend

Abe Lincoln, the Penny: Foobini's second best friend

Noah: Me. The creator of the strip and a stick figure.

Zneffella: Originally a critic, he is very hateful of the strip and evil. He starts out as my stuffed bunny who I talk to, then he responds and criticizes my work.

Bad Milk: A carton of spoiled milk who thinks he's "bad".

Kate the Marshmallow: Foobini's girlfriend.

Erzel: Kate's star trek obsessed geek brother

Joe: Kate's boring dad

Andrew the intellectual peanut: A smart British peanut.

Andrew: My friend, the peanuts namesake and a crazy cocreator (just in the strip) of FTM.

Ulysses Matzoh: A piece of Matzoh who is like a surfer dude

The Elephraternity: A fraternity of drunk elephants

Bob the Hobo teddy bear: Just what he sounds like

Boothe: A voting booth determined to assassination Abe the penny

More to come!

Mile 1, Noah 0

On the day before spring break in P.E., we learned that the day we got back, we would run the mile. I am not very in-shape, so I dread the mile. So I kept dreading that day after spring break.

But it rained. It rained so that the field was wet, and we were going to run the 20-minute instead. I was ecstatic (20 minute has more freedom to walk and rest).

We normally go around the blacktop. On that day we had a different course. It went around and in front of the school.

I knew I went much slower then usual. I wanted to compare the time to my normal 20 minute time. I asked a teacher how long this was compared to the normal course. He didn't tell me that it was, say, 3 blacktops long. He said, "It's about 2 and a half laps."

I had gone exactly that.

Darn mile.

One Step Guide to becoming famous! (Joke 1)

This is my one step guide to becoming famous! It's super easy (though not very specific)!

1. Do something that will make you famous.

Congratulations! You are now famous! Have yourself a beer!

The Dawn of a New Revelation

I was at a passover seder the other day. At passover, a Jewish holiday where Jews cannot eat any leavened bread products (only Matzoh, or unleavened bread), you have the seder, which is the meal with a set of rituals. It is also a service. There is a part called the four questions. The youngest child present is supposed to ask, "Why is this night different from all other nights?" Then the child asks why we do each of the four different things (dip twice, recline, etc.) My 10-year-old cousin had a look on his face after we asked why this night was different from all other nights. We could tell he had his own idea of the answer. Upon my grandmother asking what is was, he thought for a second, then responded: "Because we don't do this every night."

Oy

You Know What I Hate?

Every day when I get home I ask my parents, "You know what I hate?" It's always something new. Long lines. Messed up orders. People blocking walkways at school. And it ALWAYS happens to me. It's like the title of my blog. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. So I started a blog.

This isn't just going to be You Know What I Hate parts 1, 2, 3, and so on. It will also have thoughts and stories. But yes, I may have some special times where the title is You Know What I Hate part 2. (Don't get me wrong; I like things too).

Recently, I noticed another thing I hate. I can't think of a good way to begin my blog. No matter what I think, my inner critic thinks it's wrong. I need a start to get to all the good stuff that's happened recently I want to post. So now, you know what I like. My new blog. And it shall start right now.